It is still crazy to me how different this hospital is from what I am used to. I really don't think they have any money to update things. I guess its around 150 years old.  One of my shifts last week I was the 'med nurse' meaning I didn't have a patient assignment I just helped give all the medications to all the patients on the unit.

I have now attempted writing what I am going to say next like 10 times.

        One patient had a medication due around 11. So I grabbed it and got all geared up with my PPE. I was going in to the room of an 89 year old man who was on palliative care. He had COVID and was DNR. I had taken care of him a few shifts before. I walked into his room and said his name as cheery as I could while I shut the door. When I saw him he didn't look good.  But you see, people that are actively dying never look good. Um, see this is when I wish I was a writer and could say this more eloquently. But I looked at this man and I waited for him to take a breath and it never came. So I felt for his pulse and it wasn't there. He was gone.
       I have done post mortem care a couple times so I knew the routine. But I have never been the person to find someone no longer breathing. It didn't really hit me about what had happened until later, like now as I am writing this.
      I went and told his nurse that I was pretty sure he was dead. Apparently, there the proper terminology is expired. But I don't like that. It sounds like he was just an old fruit that had gone bad or some old milk that had expired. Anyways, it is so insane to me that he wasn't on any type of monitors to know the exact moment that he passed. That no one was there with him at that moment. He was all alone. And I just think if maybe he was on monitors someone could have been in there with him. This isn't just because of COVID.  I think a lot of adult hospitals do this. It's just extra weird right now because no family could be in there.
        It's such a weird time, people are dying all alone. I have heard stories since I have been here about nurses walking in and finding their COVID patients dead on the floor or in the bathroom. This is a virus that affects peoples oxygen levels, when they start to drop it goes fast!
        Yesterday, I was on their tele floor, which I love, because then I can see what is happening with my patients hearts and oxygen levels. I had a 42 year old female with COVID that was on a BiPAP machine, this helps push the oxygen into her lungs. When we would lay her flat to help get her clean her oxygen sats would drop to the 60s!! That is so scary for me! That is when I would be calling a rapid response for help back home. But with these patients it is kind of their normal. I mean you still have to watch them and make sure their levels come back up. But it happens slowly and it makes me very anxious waiting for it.
       I don't really know where I am going with this post. Death is a part of nursing. I knew this when I signed up all those years ago. And I figured I would see this when I signed up to come to New York. Good news is the hospitals COVID numbers have gone way down. When I first got here the number was over 120 now its 25. They have discharged over 600 COVID patients. Everyone is saying that I am a hero coming here to work and they are so proud of me. But honestly, the hard part is over. I missed all that. I feel like I am doing just everyday nursing. And I shouldn't be considered a hero.

The Big City Fail

Well I learned that I am not a big city girl. I decided to venture out and go to the city to see what it was like. And let’s just say I failed. The weather was kind of chilly and I didn’t bring a light weight jacket so I thought I’d stop at Target and buy like a workout jacket. I figured it’d be easier to just go to the one in the city since I was going there anyways. Wrong. So I found target then drove around in a circle a couple times trying to find parking. I don’t really understand the meter parking so I thought it would be easier to park in a garage. I pull into one a couple blocks from Target and attempt to back into a spot. I look over and there is a guy who is standing there telling me to stop. Apparently they park your cars for you. I walk to Target. It has an escalator in it! So I’m thinking this is the coolest target ever. But it’s not. I try to find the workout clothes and they literally have like 3 tank tops and a couple leggings. No jackets. I go check out the cute clothing area. Nothing there either. So I end up buying a long sleeve button up. Then I see they are selling masks in packs of 10. I hate wearing the cloth ones I have for a long period of time because they get like moist from me breathing. I decide to buy a pack of these. I also grab a buffalo chicken wrap because I’m thinking I could have like a little picnic in Central Park. Target is close to the Empire State Building so I walk to that to check it out. It’s a really tall building, I guess that’s neat. I get back to the partaking garage and learn I now have to pay $45. I was parked less than an hour. So that’s one fail. Next I decide to drive and see the World Trade Center building. It’s closed and I turned onto a road that was for cleared personnel only, meaning cops, so I have to do a U-turn with a cop right behind me. That was awkward.. and fail number two. I drove through Times Square just to see it. Last spot for the day was Central Park. I almost parked on the street. I went to read the meter thing but again it was confusing. And the sign said commercial parking only until 3:00. I got nervous and just thought the garage would be easier. I walked around Central Park  a bit and then found a nice big rock in the sun to sit on for my little picnic. I got out my chicken wrap and the closer I looked at it I realized there was mold all over it!! So there goes my picnic plan. Then the clouds come in and the stupid button up long sleeve shirt wasn’t warm enough. I haven’t eaten all day and I’m starving and just over it all. I decided to just give up on the city and go home. I get back to the parking garage and learn this time I have to pay $75!!!! Like what??! I was there for 50 minutes. And that my friends was fail number 3.

Maybe I’ll go back and try again and trust me if I’d do I will not be driving I will be figuring out public transportation!